A Complicated Bond

Hi everyone. I'm back!!! No need to be excited here because I know that I'm no one... Ok, enough of that crap. Haha.. Just wanna release my stress there. Anyway, here I am today, 22nd December 2009, still have no life after THE GREAT BATTLE with STPM! Can someone tell me what should I do with my life now? I guess expressing my feelings in this blog is not a bad idea after all. I have a story here. A story that circles around 4 friends. It's a true story. Yeah, u guessed it.. It's about me. It happened this year. Once, I admire and adore this one girl. She took care of me. She's there for me when i needed someone to comfort me. She's not like the other girls that I know of. She's different. She's special to me because she's really the caring type of a person and more special because she actually cares about me. I actually bond with her quite well until one day, it's all fallen apart. It's because of there's another two characters suddenly joined this bond of us. They acted as if they know everything about us. They thought that they were the match makers. They thought they can fix us together. They started to say this and that about us. They were like a spy at one time. I know that they actually wanna help us but they got it wrong that time. And because of that, my relationship with the girl slowly drift away. It's because the both of us can't accept the fact that someone else trying to make us be a couple. We want it to happen within our HEART. We only want sincerity from each other. Not because of someone else in the party trying to gel us together. In the end, this is what happen. I'm lonely. I never contact her anymore. I don't even know what she's doing now in her life and most of all, I don't know what's her feelings towards me and this situation that suddenly appeared up from nowhere. Thanks guys! Thank to the both of you! I do believe in repentance. I hope that you guys will learn from your mistakes and succeed in your life. Don't ever-ever be busybody again. It will hurt yourself in the future and not enough with that, you might hurt others too. I hope you guys heed to my advice and I hope that god will actually open your eyes and your heart. Everything starts form the heart. Not mouth, nose, hand, leg, head or whatever part of your body. Despite all of this, I know that I have to continue my life as normal people do. I don't have any grudge against you guys. Just remember to take good care of others feelings. Though you shall not receive the same treatment, but the reward will pay off big time. I'm sorry to let out my feelings this way because I just want everyone to know that we as a human being should not interfere with others private life. It is never too late for repentance. I will say it again one more time, everything starts from the bottom of YOUR HEART. I'm thankful that I have great friends who always pick me up when I was down. Thank you so much guys. =)


Does my face expression down here tells you my feelings right now? Up to you to decide...

Expression..

I'm 19 years old now and about to turn 20 in 5 months time BUT will I live to see 21? With the world now having all sorts of problems, maybe yes, maybe not. Some say, 2012, this world will end but I beg to differ. I say this world will end when our creator decides to end this world. It's a matter of how we deal with the situation. There's no way that we will die if god says "not yet for you". Some is being influenced by movies that shows people can't escape death as we know it. I agree on this matter. What saddens me is that some people who is gifted by that ability to predict death don't seize their advantage. If you get to know that you will die tomorrow, what will you do today? Some just wait for their death. For me, you should be repented and do something useful to others. I'm actually just letting out what my heart wants to say when I'm typing this. It's up to one's point of view to interpret what I just said. May god bless and you live forever and please think wisely before you do anything. Till we meet again.

Setelah Sekian Lama...

Ini bukan cerita dongeng mahupun fantasi... Cuma hasrat di hati igin menyatakan bahawa sudah lama ku tidak blogging... Bagaimana hendak ku mulakan?? Pastinya dengan lafaz bismillah agar tiada sesiapa yang terasa kerana nawaitu di hati tidak ingin melukakan sesiapa.. Ku ingin mulakan dengan perjalanan hidupku dari tarikh 4 Jun 2009.. Ku telah berpindah dari rumahku ke rumah arwah atukku yang sekarang didiami oleh makcik ku dan keluarganya.. Keluargku juga turut berpindah ke sana kerana rumah kami sedang dibina semula dengan tujuan untuk mengubahsuainya agar ia lebih besar sedikit kerana adik-beradikku sudah besar dan kakandaku sudah hampir menjadi isteri seseorang.. Ku tidak sangka bahawa mengemas rumah untuk berpindah merupakan suatu aktiviti yang memenatkan.. Lebih memenatkan lagi, apabila ku terpaksa mengambil alih tugas kakandaku yang mengalami sakit tulang belakang.. Ku tidak sanggup melihat kakandaku keperitan mengangkat kotak-kotak dan juga barang-barang yang berat.. Ku tidak mahu melihatnya meringkuk dalam rumah sakit lagi.. Ku harus menolak tepi kepenatanku yang dibawa bersama setelah menjalani perkhemahan di Pantai Sri Tujuh anjuran sekolah bagi melengkapkan program Anugerah Remaja Perdana.. Aktiviti mengangkut barang-barang telah berjalan selama tiga hari.. Pada hari ketiga, ku berasa penat sungguh sehinggakan ku tidak terdaya lagi untuk membantu ibunda dan ayahandaku.. tetapi apakan daya, kudratku adalah kudrat muda lalu ku teruskan membantu mereka.. Setelah selesai mengankut barang-barang tersebut, ku telah bermalam di rumah salah seorang kawan karibku, Aqram.. Kami telah menghabiskan masa bersama melakukan aktiviti-aktiviti yang kurang berfaedah (bukan aktiviti seksual) seperti melepak dan berhibur sepanjang hari.. Pada mulanya ku ingat ingin bermalam sehari sahaja, tetapi ku ingin keluar daripada ketegangan dalam diriku hingga menyebabkan ku membuat keputusan untuk bermalam di sana untuk satu hari lagi dan memang ku terhibur dan ketegangan dalam diriku dapat dikurangkan.. Ku berterima kasih kepada Aqram kerana mengundangku untuk bermalam di rumahnya.. Sekali lagi ku nyatakan, TERIMA KASIH AQRAM!! Dua minggu telah berlalu dan sekolah telah bermula semula seperti biasa.. Akan tetapi, ku tidak dapat menghadirkan diri atas sebab yang tidak dapat dielakkan.. Pabila ku rasa sudah boleh ku nyatakan akan ku nyatakan nanti.. Ingin ku menaip panjang lebar lagi tapi apakan daya ku tidak dapat berbuat sedemikian kerana gambar-gambar terdapat di dalam komputer riba ayahandaku.. Apa yang boleh ku ceritakan sekarang ialah pengalamanku menaiki pentas untuk menatap pingat perak ku bagi Anugerah Remaja Perdana.. Ku berbangga kerana telah bersama dengan 119 remaja yang lain yang telah berjaya merangkul pingat perak tersebut.. Alangkah indahnya jika kesemua remaja bersikap seperti mereka yang sentiasa berusaha gigih untuk mencapai sesuatu dan menjaga budi pekerti.. Ku telah bertembung dengan remaja dari pelbagai jenis umur.. Sejuk hatiku apabila mendapati tidak semua remaja yang terpesong dalam hidup mereka seperti remaja yang telah menyertai kumpulan rempit antaranya.. Masyarakat tidak harus terus membenci kepada golongan remaja tersebut sebaliknya kita harus membimbing mereka ke jalan yang benar.. Ku juga terdapat beberapa rakan yang telah terjebak dengan gaya hidup songsang itu tetapi alhamdulillah mereka sekarang telah nampak cahaya dalam hidup mereka iaitu "lampu jalan ke arah kejayaan".. Dengan bimbingan kita ataupun orang-orang yang berjaya, mereka pasti akan berubah.. Memang negara kita sekarang dibelenggu dengan masalah remaja-remaja yang makin mengganas namun jangan dilupakan golongan remaja yang berikhtiar untuk memajukan tanah air serta mencapai matlamat hidup mereka.. Pihak berkuasa perlu bertindak pantas dan lebih tegas dalam menjalankan tugas mereka.. Para rakyat dan kerajaan tidak seharusnya berputus-asa akan kejadian ini tetapi kita perlu bersama-sama untuk tidak putus-putus menangani masalah ini.. Namun begitu, jangan disalahkan pihak lain atas kemelut yang kita hadapi ini melainkan ibu bapa remaja itu sendiri.. Setiap ibu bapa yang baik pasti dapat membimbing anak-anak mereka untuk menjadi insan yang baik atau lebih baik daripada mereka sendiri.. Di bawah ini, ku letakkan beberapa gambar untuk tatapan semua...


Ini merupakan gambar hiasan sahaja.. Bayangkan ia adalah cahaya yang disuluh agar kita dapat petunjuk ke arah kejayaan dengan niat yang ikhlas..


Gambar ini merupakan gambarku bersama-sama dengan rakan-rakan seperjuanganku..



Ini pula gambarku di tandas Hotel Grand Seasons yang ku anggap kelas pertama.. Memang ku akui ku jarang sekali singgah ataupun bermalam di hotel...

Itu sahaja buat kali ini.. Ku berharap tiada sesiapa yang akan tersinggung apabila mereka membaca blog ku ini.. Sememangnya ku hanyalah insan biasa yang hanya ingin meluahkan isi hati ini untuk tatapan orang ramai.. Jikalau ada yang tersinggung, ku mohon maaf pada mu.. Jika ku masih sihat dan Illahi memanjangkan umurku, pastinya ku akan berceloteh lagi.. Assalamualaikum dan selamat tinggal buat masa ini..

I Remember Before I Forget

"Tengok pun dah tau gila". That's the thing that I always hear from people about me. Haha... I love the old times. Now I'm not so sure if I'm like that anymore. I'm in the process of changing. It's either I change back to my old self or to be my true self. Everything changed for me since last year. I'm gonna remember 12th May 2008 till I die. It's such an important date for me as it changed my whole life. I never thought something like this would happen to me. No one can really believe in it. I saw someone on that day that makes me smile, happy and such an indescribable feeling. It was funny because in my 18 years of living in this world (during that time), I never felt like this before. It's like a dream come true. Anyway, let's continue this topic another time as I don't really have the mood now. Sorry =)





Remember my previous post about I'm involved in a freaking accident? Well, this was the thing that damaged my eyebrow. "Kelakar kan?" or it's something that you can't imagine it could happen to someone and how the hell was my head still ok after what happened to the racket. To tell you the truth, we share the same thoughts as I don't know how I can withstand the pain. Well, my eye is getting better now. No worries. Now I can open my right eye like normal. Just that sometimes I felt a bit of pain in my right eye that I have to close it quickly. But now I think it's getting better. I could have feinted few times but I chose not to. Someone asked me that "You know that you're in such condition but why you still hang around like nothing happen to you?". My answer, "A man got to do his duty no matter what his condition as long as he complete the task then only he can rest.". The conversation ended just like that...



















Compare the two pictures. Can you see any differences? Haha!!!













This picture shows my current mood. I'm more to the left side. I'm trying hard to go to the right side. I don't know what bothers me. Something is not right. I once said to someone, "Saya nak terjun dari sini". The reply that I got was, "Jangan, nanti saya menangis". So, here I am. I'm thankful to that person for stopping me from doing something so stupid. I can't believe someone actually cared bout me. I'm ready to return the favour. Thank you...

I'm not gonna make it

Just ignore the title if you don't understand. Last Friday, something strange happened to me. I don't know what was it. Until today I feel it. I can't ignore the feeling. Deep inside, I felt that something bad is going to happen. I really don't know what to do except being alone and think about it again and again. Maybe I think too much. Hmm... Somethings fishy. Maybe it's just my feelings. Anyway, I helped my beloved sports house (TREACHER) to decorate our house. It rained heavily. I was shocked to see our school field "banjir". Nevertheless, we kept going. We put up some of our stuffs there. Here are some pictures...




This was the "banjir" that I'm talking about.


I did enjoyed doing those things on that day but still something tells me that I should think of something. It's a crazy day as I went back at 9.15 pm. After I've finished helping everyone, I sat alone at one corner to think of what has been happening to me...



Then I changed place...

And again...

But still, something was bothering me. I couldn't help myself. All I know was, something was bothering me but I don't know what was it. Owh, before that, I went a took a pictures of me...







Still, there's no end results. Hmm, maybe I think too much on something. God, please help me. I'm weak, it's true. After all, I am your servant. I can't do much. After all these craziness, I went back home with Aqram and his little brother...




Before I forget...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!!! Though I can't celebrate with you that day, I just want you to know, you are special to me. Every year on the 27th of March, It's a special date for me. I've always loved you and always will. Don't bother bout what other "makcik" said about me, you'll always be in my heart. Don't ever give a damn bout what they say about me. You should know me better. I am your son, your prince and your everything. You are my life. You are my heartbeat. You are my everything. Though I've always went against your will, you should know that I LOVE YOU!!! I'm like this because of you. You raised me up to be the man I am today. Once you said to me, "Ares ni tak sayang mama la.". I tell you one thing, never in my life I say that nor think like that. It's just your feelings. You think I never love you but the fact is I LOVE YOU!!! "Ares sayang mama!!!" (The picture above is not a picture of me celebrating my mum's birthday. It was in 2007 we celebrated Hari Polis).




I feel lonely right now plus my right eye still hurts. Damn, I need painkillers. But I know it's not good for me because my life doesn't depends on painkillers. I believe that somehow, I will know what's the problem that bothers me. There's a saying, "go through your troubles with a smile". I intend to do just that. I believe that god is helping me all the way with many kind of methods. I just have to be patient and accept everything that will happen in the future. Adios...

I'm no Superman

Yup, I'm no superman. I knew that one day this would happen. I don't feel angry at all. Maybe there's something that I've done wrong before. It almost hits my eye. Can you imagine what will happen if it does? Well, I accept it wherever it hits. I won't complain at all. In life, I believe if we've done something wrong, we will be punish at one point in the near future or in the long run. I can't remember what I've done wrong. And yeah, accidents happens. But on my case, I believe I've done many wrong doings before. So maybe this was the punishment from god. I just want to say something that is, whatever the punishment you gave me (from god), I'll accept it. These kind of things doesn't just happens. Everything happens for a reason whether you realise it or not. I won't take grudge against anyone. I'll accept it as a man. "Pandai buat, pandai tanggung". And one more thing, I'll accept any punishment from you (god) because I know I deserved it. It may take a long time to heal, but I know at one point I've paid my debts to you. I went through many things like this before but if it satisfy you I'll be more than happy to accept it. I will accept any further punishment from god. I don't know if someone actually likes it that I'm like this or not, but I don't care about anyone except god. I am what I am because of you so who am I to say otherwise. You raised me up to be like this. It shows that you still care about me. If not, I'll live happily now. What's the meaning of life without any problems? It's about whether you pass the test or not. It's simply like that. I thanked you for done this to me as you made me realise that I'm no SUPERMAN. Other person have their own version of test from god. It's whether you realise it or not. When you do realised it, it's the matter of how you'll handle it. Will you start questioning it or you actually realise that you've done something wrong before in your life. On this matter, I took it very well. Straight away my mind told me, it's not any one's fault, it's your own fault. Will there be anything like this that will happen to me? Only god knows. I don't know a single thing on what will happen in the future. "In you I take refugee.". As my late grandfather told me, "ada hikmah di sebalik setiap kejadian. Terima sahaja dengan redha.".
That's me got injected by the doctor at my hand. My first impression was why the hell does he have to inject me at my hand because I got hit above my eye. There's actually a scar just below my eye if you can see it in the first picture. After he explained to me, without the injection, I'd be in more trouble. And thanked god I went there early so they can stop my fast flowing blood. It looks like it's nothing but what I didn't know is that it can be more serious if just leave my wound just like that. They said, "why you smiled when you know that you are in serious trouble? Dah gila ke?". I said, "It's just a test from god and I know that I've done many sins in my life so why do I have to argue about it?". Case closed. To be continued...






Owh, before I forget, yesterday on the 24th of March 2009 was one of my best friends birthday. In the picture, on the left, it's him. His name is Razmi. "Kerja nak main trombone dan stay back jek" as he was in VICCB. Then he always ran away from the discipline teachers because his hair was damn long. "Tak reti-reti nak potong ke bang?". Haha. When heard one of the discipline teacher's name in our block, it only took 5 seconds for him to "lesap". Haha. What a way man. Damn fast this boy hides. "Kenapa la tak masuk lari 100 meter?". Haha! One moment that I won't forget was when one of our teacher told us that she actually dreamt that both of us will be successful one day. Hope that her dream will come true. Haha!!! Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! May all your dreams come true and success in your life.

Look at us, we are grown ups now. And for you Razmi, you don't need to worry about your hair anymore. Hehehe...





It's me. I'm on top of the world but about to fall down with my shadow if I don't be careful in life.

Cun-----ted...

Well, I've got nothing to do now so it leads me to write something on my blog. These are all my friends. We always play badminton together. I don't really play badminton. The last time I played badminton before this is when I was in standard 2 I think. Well, in the middle of 2008, Han Leong asked me to join him playing badminton. I was like, "What the hell, it's been so long since I played badminton. I can't remember how to hit the ball as it needs a technique to hit the ball.". Then he told me, "Main je la dowh. Aku pun dah lama tak main. Kita sama je.". So I believed him. We went and play. Guess what happened that time? I played really bad until I "kena tapau" from him. Haha. What a joke. I thought he really gonna play like me. Well, thanks to him, now I'm enjoying back playing badminton. I've found my rhythm. I'm starting to take badminton as my best sport. I'm starting to hate futsal. Haha. Sorry guys. Guess I'm more interested in badminton rather than futsal. Enough of this, lets move on to my next story...





Suddenly I miss my police cadet. I've learnt many things there. I miss all the boys too especially the NCO's. We had a wonderful year for police cadet that year. We won many things. A lot of history being made on that year. We had our ups and downs moment but we dealt with it magnificently. I remember the day when we went for a camp, some of the real police hated us because of our VICTORIAN spirit. They said that we were too violent in punish our boys and disagree in anything that we've done. They even said that what we've done was not the right way. To hell with all of that. We kept on training as usual. Then one of the police really pissed off. He wanted to scold us. Then came another police. I thought he's just another "pain in the ass" that I've to deal with but I was wrong. He's so supportive and backed us up. He said, "Budak-budak VI ni unik. Jangan marah diorang. Saya pasti mereka ada sebab mengapa mereka berkelakuan begini. Jangan campur urusan mereka. Saya memang dah pantau budak-budak VI ni sejak dulu lagi. Mereka tidak pernah mengadu apa-apa dan selalunya mereka berjaya.". The guy that pissed off then turned away and left us for good. Then we went all the way to glory. Though we should have won Mara Lasak which was a 5km run, we were really proud of ourselves as we ran tirelessly in a unit. I really miss those days...





Now, on the left is one of my best friend. His name is Danial Azwan. He really is a good friend. We went through 2007 doing many crazy things together. One of it was playing rugby in our class. Hahaha!!! I can't believe we actually did that. He actually took a video of me met with an accident in our school swimming pool. Damn "siut" this guy. Hahaha. He can do some magic tricks. Even I was amazed with his magics sometimes. He's like the most happy-go-lucky type of guy ever. I seldom see him being emo. Well, on the 14th of March, it was his birthday. I text him at 12am. He replied. Little that I know that we actually text each other till 2am. Wow. What a way to give a present to a friend. Haha. Now he's in a college. I seldom meet him. Whatever it is, all the best to him and good luck in anything that he does okay???






Lastly, today I went to The University of Nottingham. It was a really nice place to go. It looks like a nice place to hangout. The scenery was really beautiful. I never thought of that before. It even has a romantic place for couples to get together. It was really nice. I actually don't want to go home. Haha! If I have the option to stay there I'll surely stay there. Unfortunately, "Big Boss" called me to go home. Hehe. I guess I'll just pay another visit next time... Guess who I hung out with that night?



One of my best friend ler... Han Leong. :p

First Thought

Well, this is me. It's my first time I seriously blogging. I felt that now is the perfect time to blog. I've always thought of blogging and this time I'm definitely gonna start blogging. As you can see, for my introduction, that's my picture there when I was in form 4. Yeah, I missed those days. It's the year where I actually learned many important things in my life. One of it is UNITY. "All for one, one for all". I still keep hold of UNITY up till today. I experienced many things in the year 2006. From bad to good. I'm having the worst financial ever on that year but I also learnt on that year that Friendship is more valuable than money. I always knew that money is not everything. It's just that on that year, something happened to me that makes that statement very strong. In that year, me and my friends always hung out in McDonalds at Masjid Jamek. We looked like a rich kid with high standards. The fact is, we went there just to buy Sundae cone and chat until 5pm or 6pm. Haha, it tickles me every time I remember it. I really miss my form 4 era. I wish I could go back and spend more time with my friends back then. Now, I can only pray for their success and all the best to them in life. You guys should know one thing, maybe we don't see each other often like before or we lost contact to each other but I'll never ever and forever forget you guys. You know who you are. I don't need to mention your names as I believe if we're truly friends to each other, we actually feel deep inside that we miss each other. We are BROTHERS for LIFE okay?







Now, this is my band. Our name is [0]. Weird isn't it? There's a story behind the name. I leave it to the other band members if they want to reveal it or not. The line up of our band is Isma "Matallek" Danial (Drummer), Harith "Burger" Nizar (Guitarist), Muhammad Rafiq (Bassist) and Syafiq Rhani (Guitarist). We start our first jam in late 2006. We never really gel together that time but after serious practise and hardworking, we can actually play 2 full cover songs. From then on, we played many cover songs. We performed on our school Interact Club International Understanding Day 2007 and our school carnival in the same year. We don't really care if people hate us or like us on that day because we gave our best shot on those days and it's really satisfying for us. What I'm actually proud of [0] is that we performed better if it's a last minute call up by the organizer. Hahaha! It's our nature. Currently, all of us are busy with our life mostly because of studies. It's been a long time since we jam together. I really miss you guys. All the best!!! Hope we will be even better next time and actually continue from where we left of...






I don't know what to feel for 2007. The lowest point in my life that time was when I lost my grandfather "Mat Noh". He's one of the best grandfather ever. He always treated me nicely. Always gave me lots of advice. He led by example. He's my role model. I remember he even tried to plant a tree when his leg was very badly hurt that time. He can barely walked but he still insist on planting the tree. His determination of finishing on what he had started really caught my eyes. I admire his willing to live and determination on finishing the things that he had started. In May, he was sent to Hospital Kuala Lumpur because of his illness. He can't breathe properly. I went to visit him many times during that month. Yeah, he still determined to stay alive. According to the doctor, he told my dad that "Semua bergantung kepada ayah awak sekarang. Jika dia mahu hidup, dia akan berjuang untuk meneruskan kehidupan dia. Jika tidak...(sambil menggelengkan kepala)". All of us were down that time. But not for my grandpa. He still went for physiotherapy to train his legs so that he can walk back as normal. I'm really happy to know he still wanna live. 3 months past and there goes my grandpa. I was really sad that time. I couldn't control my feelings. Why does he have to go before Hari Raya Aidilfitri? He even tried to stay alive by walking around here and there just to train his legs. I still remember the date he died. It was on 29th of August 2007. It was my last day of spm trial and the worst thing that happened was it's physics paper. I can't do a single thing as my mind went flying. I couldn't thing of anything else. Then, I went back to Raub straight away after my paper. I went back with my brother as my dad, mum and sister went there the day before. When I arrived there, I didn't get a chance to see my grandfather's face for the last time as they've covered the face of my grandpa with "kain kapan" and were ready to put the body inside the coffin. That time, I saw the place where my grandpa planted the tree. Guess what, it grows. It makes me smiled for a while there. I know that god loves him much more than I do. That's why god took him away from me. But it's never really like that. There's a reason why god took him. I'm not a god to demand god to place my grandpa in a better place. What I can do is to just pray to god to forgive whatever sins that has been done by my grandpa and pray for my grandpa to be placed in a good place up there...