I'm not gonna make it

Just ignore the title if you don't understand. Last Friday, something strange happened to me. I don't know what was it. Until today I feel it. I can't ignore the feeling. Deep inside, I felt that something bad is going to happen. I really don't know what to do except being alone and think about it again and again. Maybe I think too much. Hmm... Somethings fishy. Maybe it's just my feelings. Anyway, I helped my beloved sports house (TREACHER) to decorate our house. It rained heavily. I was shocked to see our school field "banjir". Nevertheless, we kept going. We put up some of our stuffs there. Here are some pictures...




This was the "banjir" that I'm talking about.


I did enjoyed doing those things on that day but still something tells me that I should think of something. It's a crazy day as I went back at 9.15 pm. After I've finished helping everyone, I sat alone at one corner to think of what has been happening to me...



Then I changed place...

And again...

But still, something was bothering me. I couldn't help myself. All I know was, something was bothering me but I don't know what was it. Owh, before that, I went a took a pictures of me...







Still, there's no end results. Hmm, maybe I think too much on something. God, please help me. I'm weak, it's true. After all, I am your servant. I can't do much. After all these craziness, I went back home with Aqram and his little brother...




Before I forget...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!!! Though I can't celebrate with you that day, I just want you to know, you are special to me. Every year on the 27th of March, It's a special date for me. I've always loved you and always will. Don't bother bout what other "makcik" said about me, you'll always be in my heart. Don't ever give a damn bout what they say about me. You should know me better. I am your son, your prince and your everything. You are my life. You are my heartbeat. You are my everything. Though I've always went against your will, you should know that I LOVE YOU!!! I'm like this because of you. You raised me up to be the man I am today. Once you said to me, "Ares ni tak sayang mama la.". I tell you one thing, never in my life I say that nor think like that. It's just your feelings. You think I never love you but the fact is I LOVE YOU!!! "Ares sayang mama!!!" (The picture above is not a picture of me celebrating my mum's birthday. It was in 2007 we celebrated Hari Polis).




I feel lonely right now plus my right eye still hurts. Damn, I need painkillers. But I know it's not good for me because my life doesn't depends on painkillers. I believe that somehow, I will know what's the problem that bothers me. There's a saying, "go through your troubles with a smile". I intend to do just that. I believe that god is helping me all the way with many kind of methods. I just have to be patient and accept everything that will happen in the future. Adios...

I'm no Superman

Yup, I'm no superman. I knew that one day this would happen. I don't feel angry at all. Maybe there's something that I've done wrong before. It almost hits my eye. Can you imagine what will happen if it does? Well, I accept it wherever it hits. I won't complain at all. In life, I believe if we've done something wrong, we will be punish at one point in the near future or in the long run. I can't remember what I've done wrong. And yeah, accidents happens. But on my case, I believe I've done many wrong doings before. So maybe this was the punishment from god. I just want to say something that is, whatever the punishment you gave me (from god), I'll accept it. These kind of things doesn't just happens. Everything happens for a reason whether you realise it or not. I won't take grudge against anyone. I'll accept it as a man. "Pandai buat, pandai tanggung". And one more thing, I'll accept any punishment from you (god) because I know I deserved it. It may take a long time to heal, but I know at one point I've paid my debts to you. I went through many things like this before but if it satisfy you I'll be more than happy to accept it. I will accept any further punishment from god. I don't know if someone actually likes it that I'm like this or not, but I don't care about anyone except god. I am what I am because of you so who am I to say otherwise. You raised me up to be like this. It shows that you still care about me. If not, I'll live happily now. What's the meaning of life without any problems? It's about whether you pass the test or not. It's simply like that. I thanked you for done this to me as you made me realise that I'm no SUPERMAN. Other person have their own version of test from god. It's whether you realise it or not. When you do realised it, it's the matter of how you'll handle it. Will you start questioning it or you actually realise that you've done something wrong before in your life. On this matter, I took it very well. Straight away my mind told me, it's not any one's fault, it's your own fault. Will there be anything like this that will happen to me? Only god knows. I don't know a single thing on what will happen in the future. "In you I take refugee.". As my late grandfather told me, "ada hikmah di sebalik setiap kejadian. Terima sahaja dengan redha.".
That's me got injected by the doctor at my hand. My first impression was why the hell does he have to inject me at my hand because I got hit above my eye. There's actually a scar just below my eye if you can see it in the first picture. After he explained to me, without the injection, I'd be in more trouble. And thanked god I went there early so they can stop my fast flowing blood. It looks like it's nothing but what I didn't know is that it can be more serious if just leave my wound just like that. They said, "why you smiled when you know that you are in serious trouble? Dah gila ke?". I said, "It's just a test from god and I know that I've done many sins in my life so why do I have to argue about it?". Case closed. To be continued...






Owh, before I forget, yesterday on the 24th of March 2009 was one of my best friends birthday. In the picture, on the left, it's him. His name is Razmi. "Kerja nak main trombone dan stay back jek" as he was in VICCB. Then he always ran away from the discipline teachers because his hair was damn long. "Tak reti-reti nak potong ke bang?". Haha. When heard one of the discipline teacher's name in our block, it only took 5 seconds for him to "lesap". Haha. What a way man. Damn fast this boy hides. "Kenapa la tak masuk lari 100 meter?". Haha! One moment that I won't forget was when one of our teacher told us that she actually dreamt that both of us will be successful one day. Hope that her dream will come true. Haha!!! Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! May all your dreams come true and success in your life.

Look at us, we are grown ups now. And for you Razmi, you don't need to worry about your hair anymore. Hehehe...





It's me. I'm on top of the world but about to fall down with my shadow if I don't be careful in life.

Cun-----ted...

Well, I've got nothing to do now so it leads me to write something on my blog. These are all my friends. We always play badminton together. I don't really play badminton. The last time I played badminton before this is when I was in standard 2 I think. Well, in the middle of 2008, Han Leong asked me to join him playing badminton. I was like, "What the hell, it's been so long since I played badminton. I can't remember how to hit the ball as it needs a technique to hit the ball.". Then he told me, "Main je la dowh. Aku pun dah lama tak main. Kita sama je.". So I believed him. We went and play. Guess what happened that time? I played really bad until I "kena tapau" from him. Haha. What a joke. I thought he really gonna play like me. Well, thanks to him, now I'm enjoying back playing badminton. I've found my rhythm. I'm starting to take badminton as my best sport. I'm starting to hate futsal. Haha. Sorry guys. Guess I'm more interested in badminton rather than futsal. Enough of this, lets move on to my next story...





Suddenly I miss my police cadet. I've learnt many things there. I miss all the boys too especially the NCO's. We had a wonderful year for police cadet that year. We won many things. A lot of history being made on that year. We had our ups and downs moment but we dealt with it magnificently. I remember the day when we went for a camp, some of the real police hated us because of our VICTORIAN spirit. They said that we were too violent in punish our boys and disagree in anything that we've done. They even said that what we've done was not the right way. To hell with all of that. We kept on training as usual. Then one of the police really pissed off. He wanted to scold us. Then came another police. I thought he's just another "pain in the ass" that I've to deal with but I was wrong. He's so supportive and backed us up. He said, "Budak-budak VI ni unik. Jangan marah diorang. Saya pasti mereka ada sebab mengapa mereka berkelakuan begini. Jangan campur urusan mereka. Saya memang dah pantau budak-budak VI ni sejak dulu lagi. Mereka tidak pernah mengadu apa-apa dan selalunya mereka berjaya.". The guy that pissed off then turned away and left us for good. Then we went all the way to glory. Though we should have won Mara Lasak which was a 5km run, we were really proud of ourselves as we ran tirelessly in a unit. I really miss those days...





Now, on the left is one of my best friend. His name is Danial Azwan. He really is a good friend. We went through 2007 doing many crazy things together. One of it was playing rugby in our class. Hahaha!!! I can't believe we actually did that. He actually took a video of me met with an accident in our school swimming pool. Damn "siut" this guy. Hahaha. He can do some magic tricks. Even I was amazed with his magics sometimes. He's like the most happy-go-lucky type of guy ever. I seldom see him being emo. Well, on the 14th of March, it was his birthday. I text him at 12am. He replied. Little that I know that we actually text each other till 2am. Wow. What a way to give a present to a friend. Haha. Now he's in a college. I seldom meet him. Whatever it is, all the best to him and good luck in anything that he does okay???






Lastly, today I went to The University of Nottingham. It was a really nice place to go. It looks like a nice place to hangout. The scenery was really beautiful. I never thought of that before. It even has a romantic place for couples to get together. It was really nice. I actually don't want to go home. Haha! If I have the option to stay there I'll surely stay there. Unfortunately, "Big Boss" called me to go home. Hehe. I guess I'll just pay another visit next time... Guess who I hung out with that night?



One of my best friend ler... Han Leong. :p

First Thought

Well, this is me. It's my first time I seriously blogging. I felt that now is the perfect time to blog. I've always thought of blogging and this time I'm definitely gonna start blogging. As you can see, for my introduction, that's my picture there when I was in form 4. Yeah, I missed those days. It's the year where I actually learned many important things in my life. One of it is UNITY. "All for one, one for all". I still keep hold of UNITY up till today. I experienced many things in the year 2006. From bad to good. I'm having the worst financial ever on that year but I also learnt on that year that Friendship is more valuable than money. I always knew that money is not everything. It's just that on that year, something happened to me that makes that statement very strong. In that year, me and my friends always hung out in McDonalds at Masjid Jamek. We looked like a rich kid with high standards. The fact is, we went there just to buy Sundae cone and chat until 5pm or 6pm. Haha, it tickles me every time I remember it. I really miss my form 4 era. I wish I could go back and spend more time with my friends back then. Now, I can only pray for their success and all the best to them in life. You guys should know one thing, maybe we don't see each other often like before or we lost contact to each other but I'll never ever and forever forget you guys. You know who you are. I don't need to mention your names as I believe if we're truly friends to each other, we actually feel deep inside that we miss each other. We are BROTHERS for LIFE okay?







Now, this is my band. Our name is [0]. Weird isn't it? There's a story behind the name. I leave it to the other band members if they want to reveal it or not. The line up of our band is Isma "Matallek" Danial (Drummer), Harith "Burger" Nizar (Guitarist), Muhammad Rafiq (Bassist) and Syafiq Rhani (Guitarist). We start our first jam in late 2006. We never really gel together that time but after serious practise and hardworking, we can actually play 2 full cover songs. From then on, we played many cover songs. We performed on our school Interact Club International Understanding Day 2007 and our school carnival in the same year. We don't really care if people hate us or like us on that day because we gave our best shot on those days and it's really satisfying for us. What I'm actually proud of [0] is that we performed better if it's a last minute call up by the organizer. Hahaha! It's our nature. Currently, all of us are busy with our life mostly because of studies. It's been a long time since we jam together. I really miss you guys. All the best!!! Hope we will be even better next time and actually continue from where we left of...






I don't know what to feel for 2007. The lowest point in my life that time was when I lost my grandfather "Mat Noh". He's one of the best grandfather ever. He always treated me nicely. Always gave me lots of advice. He led by example. He's my role model. I remember he even tried to plant a tree when his leg was very badly hurt that time. He can barely walked but he still insist on planting the tree. His determination of finishing on what he had started really caught my eyes. I admire his willing to live and determination on finishing the things that he had started. In May, he was sent to Hospital Kuala Lumpur because of his illness. He can't breathe properly. I went to visit him many times during that month. Yeah, he still determined to stay alive. According to the doctor, he told my dad that "Semua bergantung kepada ayah awak sekarang. Jika dia mahu hidup, dia akan berjuang untuk meneruskan kehidupan dia. Jika tidak...(sambil menggelengkan kepala)". All of us were down that time. But not for my grandpa. He still went for physiotherapy to train his legs so that he can walk back as normal. I'm really happy to know he still wanna live. 3 months past and there goes my grandpa. I was really sad that time. I couldn't control my feelings. Why does he have to go before Hari Raya Aidilfitri? He even tried to stay alive by walking around here and there just to train his legs. I still remember the date he died. It was on 29th of August 2007. It was my last day of spm trial and the worst thing that happened was it's physics paper. I can't do a single thing as my mind went flying. I couldn't thing of anything else. Then, I went back to Raub straight away after my paper. I went back with my brother as my dad, mum and sister went there the day before. When I arrived there, I didn't get a chance to see my grandfather's face for the last time as they've covered the face of my grandpa with "kain kapan" and were ready to put the body inside the coffin. That time, I saw the place where my grandpa planted the tree. Guess what, it grows. It makes me smiled for a while there. I know that god loves him much more than I do. That's why god took him away from me. But it's never really like that. There's a reason why god took him. I'm not a god to demand god to place my grandpa in a better place. What I can do is to just pray to god to forgive whatever sins that has been done by my grandpa and pray for my grandpa to be placed in a good place up there...